I think stress must be contagious, or at least seasonal, because so many of us seem to be suffering from it at the same time.

Mine has been steadily increasing since Monday, and took some giant surges upward today. First I found out that my employer is not going to make payroll on time. Again. And again, they can’t tell me exactly when they will get around to compensating me. Then, to top that, they’ve let go our marketing person … someone who has given more to the company perhaps than any of us, one of the hardest working people here. No reason, just cost-cutting. They refused to even pay her severance, saying they can’t afford to.

So, what I have to look forward to is either a company that will keep me working forever but not pay me, or a company that will let me go with little or no notice and refuse to pay the severance package they’re contracturally obligated to pay. Neither of those paints a rosy picture for me. So, I guess I need to find a new job … not an easy task in this economy. This stress I didn’t need right now.

I found out I wasn’t getting paid late last night … I got the e-mail at 11:30 PM and proceeded to lock myself in the office and beat my head against the table. It’s not a good solution to the problem … but it feels GREAT when I stop. 🙂 I slept little last night (not even the two hours I got the night before) and when I woke up, I was so depressed about going to work that I couldn’t even communicate with my wife or deal with the few morning tasks I had to accomplish. I am not doing very well at getting work done either, it’s amazing how much being thoroughly down and out can affect productivity.

I can always tell when I’m either stressed, sleep-deprived, or both, because I tend to start getting overly emotional over things I might normally take in stride. I start getting teary-eyed when I watch sad TV shows, I get weepy over the loss of my mother last year and my father almost 20 years ago, I tend to get a thin skin and get upset by the slightest criticism. These things also tend to self-multiply. So it is now, as I try to handle more pressure than I’m really ready for.

I need a vacation but I can’t afford one, and don’t think my job would still be here when I got back. I’ve tried using Stu’s boxes, but the boxes keep overflowing and it all ends up one big mass. I need bigger boxes, or at least smaller problems.

If anyone out there is the praying kind, please put in a good word for me, I need a miracle.