Very quickly and by way of explanation, I offer the following first paragraph. My wife and I had some problems in the last few weeks. There has been no betrayal or infidelity or violence or anything else tabloid-worthy, just what might be described as growing pains. Happily, we have reached the mutual conclusion that we’re better together than apart, and have resolved to work these things out as a team. We’re reunited. (The teenager … that’s a different issue! 🙂
We spent part of our weekend at a country fair in Cumming, Georgia. We both love country fairs. The smell of the horribly unhealthy food cooking in gallons of fat, the electronic calliope music from the rides, the sound of kids barfing on the Tilt-a-Whirl, and the gaudy layer upon layer of neon lights takes us right back to our childhood. We wandered around looking at the exhibits, catching an occasional show, and eating some of the unhealthy stuff. Grilled turkey legs and roasted corn eaten right off the cob are our favorites, and we topped that off with a funnel cake for dessert. Then we waddled off to see what else we could see. Some of the highlights:
* A “petting zoo”. Oddly, this was the sort of petting zoo that put the animals, most of them anyway, behind two fences that are about four feet apart. This makes it physically impossible to pet the animals, so we can only assume that they expected the patrons to engage in heavy petting while looking at the animals. There was an emu in a single fence, and children were allowed to pet it … and considering how hard an emu can kick if it gets irritated, I had to wonder at their choice of petting creatures.
* An attraction called “Baboon Lagoon”. The fact that baboons don’t live in lagoons was only a mild precursor to the type of nonsense we were about to see. These baboons were, I suppose, fairly intelligent (compared to, say, insurance salesmen) but they really did little that amazed or awed us. One of the females seemed to truly hate her little tutu outfit and repeatedly yanked it off and threw it down every time the trainer turned his back. Oh, and the announcer at the beginning was careful to point out that Baboon Lagoon was a “Copywritten Performance”. This is one of my pet peeves. Has anyone ever heard of a copywrite? I haven’t. The correct term is CopyRIGHT, as in having the RIGHT to COPY, so it’s a “Copyrighted performance!”
* Bear Mountain. This was a really impressive show, with several large captive-born syrian brown bears who seemed, all in all, a lot more intelligent than the baboons and their trainers. There’s no sight to compare with a big, 1000-pound bear jumping on top of a large beach ball and rolling on it, unaided, around a ring while standing upright on his hind legs. I couldn’t do that if my life depended on it, and I’m supposedly adapted to walking upright. Awesome.
At one point, late in the show, the trainer (a dark-haired, pretty lady who for no stated reason was wearing a Royal Canadian Mounted Police uniform) brought out a huge 1500 pound bear and danced with him to a popular hip-hop tune. The bear was right on the beat, had some great dance moves, and while everyone else applauded wildly, I doubled over laughing. Why? It’s all Stu’s fault. In the back of my mind, in a comical finnish accent, I kept hearing the words, “Loooook at the happy bear! He’s dancing yooooost for you!”
* Brian Ruth, Master of the Chainsaw. This man is unbelievable. He starts with logs, usually 12″ or more in diameter, and carves amazing, detailed sculptures of animals using ordinary chainsaws. He uses normal, everyday saws for the rough work, and a special saw with a narrow bar to do the fine detail work. Brian has been at several of the fairs we’ve gone to, and I actually bought one of his sculptures at auction a couple of years ago. It was a parrot, beautifully carved from a single log … exquisitely detailed, accurate, and beautiful. Alas, it was so delicate that a crack formed as it dried, ruining it. Perhaps I’m just clueless as to the proper care of wood sculptures. As we watched this year, he turned a piece of raw wood into a deer, grazing with its head down, ears at attention, tail held high. Words can’t describe what a great eye this fellow has, nor his easy grace with a chainsaw. It’s not something one sees every day. There are some small, crappy photos here.
Webcam bulletin: Sammy the Macaw may be coming to the office with me tomorrow, enroute to have some grooming done. Stay tuned.
Pistachio stats: 14 ounces today alone. I am badly addicted. 🙂