I am completely at a loss to understand the canonical “business uniform”.

I have to go to Virginia tomorrow to demonstrate my employer’s systems to a group of people from North Carolina who are interested in a system of their own. I will be putting on my Sales Engineer’s hat, and unfortunately, there’s a matching suit.

Those who know me will know I’m a jeans-and-t-shirt guy. If I’ve got a choice, I’m going to wear what’s comfortable, and I generally feel best in a pair of jeans and a pullover shirt of some sort — rugby shirt, golf shirt, or t-shirt. However, there are situations where comfort takes a back seat to tradition and decorum, and this is one of them. It takes a lot of pressure to get me to wear a tie, let alone a suit, but this time it’s unavoidable.

I have no taste when it comes to any clothing other than jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers. I don’t know what colors go together, I don’t know what’s “in” and what’s “out” in the fashion world, and I don’t know the first thing about style. Each time I’ve had to buy a suit, I’ve walked into a men’s clothing store and let the salesperson direct me toward something “safe”. Some guys can get away with the sport-jacket-over-jeans trick, and some guys can even pull off a sweater or turtleneck, but I don’t take chances. Chances are, I’d pick a combination that’s “so last-year” and get stared at everywhere I went. Conservative, that’s my watchword.

So, this morning when deciding what to take to the cleaners, the choice was pretty obvious. Boring, low-key charcoal two-piece business suit. Plain white dress shirt. Unassuming blue tie. All of this will be nicely cleaned and pressed, the shirt starched, the trousers smartly creased. I will get up on Thursday morning and put all this on, arranging my tie in the neat Pratt knot that I favor, making sure the collar stays are straight, that my pin’s in the right place, that nothing’s in my pockets that will make my jacket or trousers bulge oddly. I will comb my hair carefully, brush my teeth meticulously, pop lots of breath mints, and use the right deodorant and not too much cologne.

Why am I doing all this? I think the business world has deluded itself into thinking that someone who looks sharp must be sharp. Orderly dress means orderly thinking? What a silly concept! False or not, however, it’s pervasive among business people and in the traditional corporate structure. I think the old phrase, “Clothes make the man”, is just about the saddest comment I can imagine on how we view our fellow man.

These people will see a man in a suit. That man isn’t me, it’s a fictitious image of me that I’ve conjured up because that’s what the situation demands. I’ll be uncomfortable, both from the clothing and tie and from the fact that I’m out of my element among suit-wearing people. I will look reasonably presentable, but I will not be as effective or as sharp as I might be if I were wearing my jeans and a nice comfortable rugby shirt, and that’s a shame. Because on the surface of it, clothing isn’t what matters.

I’ve met some wonderful, beautiful people who were wearing rags. I’ve met some complete slimeballs who were wearing expensive Italian suits.

Sometimes, I understand why naturists and nudists don’t bother.